When Friendship is Easy
Friends come and go throughout your life which is also filled with a lot of acquaintances along the way. There are neighbors, co-workers, your partner’s friends and co-workers, friends of the family, and the friends of your children. The list goes on and on. I believe that if you have one true and solid friend; a friend you can trust with your life, you’re lucky. I’m blessed to have two. One is my husband, who is truly my best friend in the world. We’ve been navigating life together for over 20 years. Some would say that a spouse/partner as a best friend is a given. I disagree. Throughout my life I’ve met married couples who are married but aren’t friends. Trust me, I lived it for 14 years.
The other person that I consider a best friend is T. Now that I think about it I’d add her husband, J to that. While he’s not the “sit down spill your guts over coffee” friend, he’s been there for me and my kids over the years. I know if I have a problem with fixing something, building something, putting something together he’s a phone call away. J is the kind of guy that loves to help people and share the knowledge he’s gained over the years. He’s always been especially great with my sons.
Back to T though. T and I have known each other for nearly 50 years having met in Junior High back in 1974. She is the youngest of eight kids. Like me, her parents were older. My brother, 15 years my senior, graduated with one of her sisters so we had that in common because it made a difference in our lives. Our folks were in their 40s by the time we came around. Her family was outgoing, loud, welcoming, and crazy fun. T’s Mom always believed you never lost members of a family, you just added them as life went along. I was treated like family. Trust me when I say that T’s Mom had no problem reading me the riot act if I did something wrong or stepped out of line. Her parents were incredible people. It was a stark contrast to my home life, which wasn’t horrible, just different, but that’s a topic for another day.
In nearly 50 years of friendship, there have been periods when we weren’t part of each other’s daily lives but when we got back together, it was like we were never apart. We have a history together and what makes our friendship the best is our attitude about friendship as a whole. We accept that we have issues, that we’re not perfect and there will be things where we don’t see eye-to-eye. We don’t demand anything from each other but expect mutual respect and honesty. We don’t need to make up excuses if we decide that we don’t want to get together for coffee. We just don’t get together. No harm, no foul. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people complain about their “friends” not calling for a week, or not jumping to ask what’s up when they make an innocuous post on Facebook. Neither of us tolerates drama and works hard to steer clear of it. It’s not just because we’re nearly 60. We’ve grown into that due to the changing cultural climate in this country.
We recently reunited, again but at our age, we’ve decided to not drift away from it again. The kids are grown, the grandkids are growing just as fast and we’re seeing the names of people we went to school with appearing more frequently in the obituary section. Life is short, don’t let people drift out of it if you truly care about them.
They say friendship takes work. For us, it’s about making time to gab over coffee. The last several years have been rough because of politics, changing values in society, social media, and more. It’s been easier to just seek the solace and comfort of our own homes. And I mean it when I say that she and I are both homebodies. The world is noisy and demanding. She and I are both navigating our way to quieter existences. Less time on things like Facebook, which I recently returned to because apparently it’s the only way to get updates about extended family or important news in our town and county.
Our friendship is easy because we value eachother’s time, we respect eachother’s views even if we don’t agree with them. We can have a conversation about politics and not storm out of the room. We do things the way our parents did things. Our personal life isn’t on full display on every social media platform. Since returning to Facebook I’ve posted things such as what I’m crafting, baking, reading etc. in an effort to get family to engage. They don’t BUT it was family that said, “Well you’re not on Facebook so that’s why you missed the BBQ invite, birth of a kid, marriage, death of a person etc.”
Okay. I think I’ll end this before I start to rant again. Trying to rant less and be more positive with what I write.
I’m grateful for this easy friendship and the solace it offers.
Not everyone is your friend. Cherish the ones that meet the definition of a best friend.
Peace,
Nim
