Like a Leaf
The season is changing. My gaze drifts from the clouds to the slow descent of a bronze colored leaf. It twirls in its journey before dropping behind the fence out of my view. I see myself in that leaf. Four months ago, I fell out of a lukewarm relationship with God into a revival of my spirit, my faith and my desire to know Him better. And in those months I was the leaf, twirling about, trying to figure out my worth and my place, not only with the Lord, but in my marriage and my church.
They say be careful what you ask for. This is true when you’re asking the Lord to search your heart and reveal what needs to be changed. And then there are the times when I am emotionally overcome during a Sunday service. Sunday past was particularly hard. What was it that made my spirit unable to speak in anything other than sobs? It’s Tuesday morning and I’m writing this just before entering into my time of personal Bible study and prayer.
God has been silent even as my mind flits from one possible reason to the next. Perhaps His silence on the matter is the answer because the Holy Spirit conveyed through sobbing, what I couldn’t express with words.
“26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”
It took a couple of days for me to figure out that I wasn’t going to get an answer because I don’t need an answer. The Holy Spirit interceded and the Lord knows what I need. The spiritual attacks recently have truly sucked. Coming off of an amazing week of Vacation Bible School and entering into a time that feels like I’m facing the Borg, and resistance is futile. That’s a reference to Star Trek of course!
It’s too tedious to go into specifics. We’ll just say that it’s quite obvious that the Satan doesn’t want me to attend this church. It took 3 years before I was finally obedient to the Lord and attended a service Memorial Day Weekend. I have thrown myself wholeheartedly into serving through LifeHouse SaCo. But the enemy works in the simplest of ways to confuse and lie to us. This last month has been especially hard. But I continue to stand my ground. Not giving the devil an inch. Not now. Not ever.
After 143 days of prayer and faith that God had everything under control, J was offered a job. He sailed through three interviews in which everyone said, “Wow, all this experience and you’re still looking for a job?” The recruiter said that hiring him is a “no-brainer.”
And that 143 days? I use “143” as a way to say “I love you”. I sign notes to my kids, grandkids and especially my hubby, “143”.
Coincidence? I don’t believe in coincidence. I do however believe that God loves me and He never breaks a promise.
